I'm Sorry, But Dutch Is Not A Fucking Language

AMSTERDAM!!!!!

My God-ar (God radar) began tingling when I started to make my way to the hostel the night I arrived, which wasn't a good sign.

Neither wwere the snail nor the words underneath reading "Christian Hostel" good signs. Turns out, this hostel even offered twice-daily prayer services for anyone interested. I could not possibly imagine how the Shelter Hostel people got convinced that a location in Amsterdam was a good idea.

First day, went on a canal tour and saw waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many bicycles. Dutch folk love bikes. They love that shit.

They also love their canals. In a sense, Amsterdam was a lot like Venice.

Then again, it was, in many ways, quite different from Venice.

This was the first of my only two "coffeeshop" stops while in Amsterdam. Had a "space brownie". Wandered.

Now...I'm only assuming this is a gay bar, because I'd rather jump into a tiger enclosure than ask a local anything about this place. Kept wandering. Space brownie status: INERT.

Made it to the Dam Square. Amsterdam = Amstel River + a dam. Get it? It's clever. Space brownie status: COUNTDOWN INITIATED - 3.

Found Anne Frank's house. Couldn't find Anne Frank, though. No one could. That's why she's famous...Hide-and-Seek World Champion 1942-1944. Space brownie status: COUNTDOWN - 2.

Condomerie...the Condom Shop. Big condoms, little condoms, long condoms, skinny condoms, thick condoms, thin condoms, ribbed for her, warming for his, condoms that play mp3s for both. Want rubber gloves? Buy ten condoms. I hit another "coffeeshop" around the area and sampled the wares...legally...in public...which was awesome. Space brownie status: COUNTDOWN - 1.

Ah, the Red Light District. Hookers as far as the eye can see. Blonde hookers, brunette hookers, raven hookers, fat hookers, thin hookers, ugly hookers, hot hookers, old hookers, young hookers, hookers that play mp3s. I would have gone at night, but shit was kind of sketchy. Also because of the following: Space brownie status: COUNTDOWN - 0...BLAST-OFF.

I got lost for like five hours and I ended up near Rembrandt's house. Overall, I don't remember much about Amsterdam. Considering I was only there for about 36 hours, I'd call that a successful college-student trip to Amsterdam. Only one more stop on the "Final Hurrah Odyssey", the only major city and the only major country I haven't spoken at all and one place everyone should see at least once before they die...