NORDÖSTERSJÖKUSTARTILLERIFLYGSPANINGSSIMULATORANLÄGGNINGSMATERIELUNDERHÅLLSUPPFÖLJNINGSSYSTEMDISKUSSIONSINLÄGGSFÖRBEREDELSEARBETEN

Or, in English: "The preparatory work on the contribution to the discussion on the maintaining system of support of the material of the aviation survey simulator device within the north-east part of the coast artillery of the Baltic". Essentially, this was what Sweden was like.


Okay, I gotta try to blaze through these next few blog entries like a bat out of hell, so here we go: BOOM! Hostel in Stockholm. Decent; not the best one I've ever stayed at, but the best one on my "Final Hurrah Odyssey".

My guidebook: not Baedeker. Ergo, shit. No idea what anything was.

But shit was pretty.

I think the Stockholm Bloodbath occurred here hundreds of years ago, right on the square in front of the Nobel Museum...the closest a massive medieval bloodbath will ever get to Nobel prize. I aspire to one day be a bloodbath-participant.

Swedes love two things: moose...

...and Vikings. They got shit for both fan-demographics.

They also have real motherfucking RedBull in Sweden. The shit in the US is watered down. We got taurine and guarana up in this bitch. That's one of the smaller cans. Drank it...my heart wanted to leap out of my chest and punch me in the throat. Awesome, but Christ...

The Medieval City of Stockholm: Gamla Stan. Shit's old.

Stockholm Royal Palace. I mean, sure it looks cool, but--HOLD THE PHONE.

I CAN READ THAT SHIT! TO THE LIVRUSTKAMMAREN!

The Livrustkammaren...the Royal Swedish Armoury.

Now that's what I'm talking about! I want one of these in every room in my house.

Badass horse-armour.

Badass man armour...and check that shit out on the wall!

That bastard was like 7 feet long. Shit was long! I want two so I can fight somebody else with one...and if they don't have one? BOOM! I got a spare one, motherfucker! Let's do this!

I also want to learn how to ride a horse so I can deck that bad-boy out in Polish horse-ram armour. Pimp My Steed: look out for it...shit's coming out for the fall lineup on MTV67

I only had two real reasons to go to Stockholm. The first was see some crazy Viking shit. The other was to go to the Nordic Sea Hotel. Why?

Icebar.

SHIT WAS MADE OUT OF ICE! Except the floor...and the ceiling...and the register...and the vodka bottles...but the cups and the furniture was!

Had a quick vodka drink like a slick-ass Eskimo pimp (I believe that this is the first recorded use of the phrase "slick-ass Eskimo pimp"), then I had to head off to my second out of three destinations in the "Final Hurrah Odyssey"...somewhere a bit less wholesome than Sweden...